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Posts Tagged ‘pattern’

Somebody was asking the other day why consistency is so important, and I considered the issue deserves some reflection. Consistency is the basis of authority, of the straight, rightful path.  Inconsistency invalidates our own convictions, destroys any basis for authority over ourselves or over others, disqualifies us as examples or models to be followed. Because it can’t be confirmed by personal behaviour, an inconsistent opinion lacks the necessary value or moral authority to be taken in consideration.

 

We become what we defend, if we defend foolishness we’ll end up as fools. Therefore, whoever defends a fool is attacking the wise man and wisdom because,  as a wise man once  said,  “we cannot serve two masters”.

 

This is typical when in the absence of arguments to defend something we resort to the “the best defence is an attack” attitude, in most cases an indiscriminate attack. But such attitude only shows that there are no  arguments or authority to base the defence on and that we should admit our mistake and change our opinion … something quite natural and normal for an educated ego, but difficult for an un-educated one.

 

But not only that, by defending a thief or a fool we may be trying to justify our own tendencies to theft or foolishness and if we are understanding and tolerant with a crime we are being accomplices to it, allowing our “inner criminal” to let his destructive instincts run free.

 

All of which implies an inexorable danger in the Law of Attraction:  whoever defends evil, ignorance or crime will be in the future a victim of evil and the wicked, of ignorance and  the ignorant, of crime and criminals. A daring attitude, defending evil in this Universe, as in the long run we are always subject to its implacable Laws.

 

The only way of escaping a negative Law of Attraction is to remain as faithful SEEKERS OF GOOD based on a sound CONSISTENCY.

 

As an exception, we could say that inconsistency is only “excusable” when it is the result of ignorance or  is based on good intention. But still, as in the principle of justice, ignorance of the Law does not exempt from compliance, even more so in the case of the Law of Attraction. So all we can do is to be aware of the Laws of the Universe and try to follow them because in the long run they will keep our souls in the Light, away from darkness. Nobody said it was an easy task, and yet it is the most important challenge mankind has to face if it wishes to continue enjoying life on this Planet.

 

Beatriz Fernández del Castillo

http://www.autoevolucion.com

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This year I have had the opportunity to identify some people who were the perfect embodiment of the pattern of an emotional predator. In spite of their different ages and the fact that they belonged to different generations, their speech, their attitude, their modus operandi, were so similar that they were the perfect example of a very common behaviour in our time: that of the emotional predator.  I must say it is more frequent among men than among women.

A pattern is a system of ideas, emotions, attitudes and behaviours that  governs human beings and organizes them according to predictable, identifiable behavioural patterns.  People who think alike usually feel the same and have similar attitudes and actions.

Archetypes would be the source of these patterns, the original ones, according to Plato the perfect moulds, ideals deriving from the mind of God, ideals that influence us from the collective unconscious. Patterns are human derivations that are far less than perfect, resulting from change, from the world, from life, from circumstances, etc. … The world changes and by extension so do the collective patterns that rule us.

Although many people compare them, emotional predators are different from emotional vampires. Emotional predators are only after their own emotional advantage –generally involving sexual advantage-  regardless of any collateral damage they might cause. They are hedonistic, they are apparently happy, they are manipulators and they know well  other people’s weaknesses which they use to their own advantage. They usually have good social skills, are sexually attractive and have brilliant personalities in some aspects, although they also lack empathy and  don’t understand or notice the damage they cause in others.

How do we spot them? I’ll use as examples two cases, a man and a woman whom I have come across recently. Both are apparently charming and attractive, but they have  different motivations. He is the typical predator,  only prompted by the sheer pleasure of the conquest and oblivious of  the pain he may cause to his prey.  She is not so typical, she is moved by the pleasure of feeling loved and valued, but she is equally remorseless when she misuses her charm with others. None of the two wish to change, they show an apparent but ultimately false self-confidence and during the “hunt”  they both forget the main law that rules this Universe, that of CAUSE and EFFECT, which will  make them in turn the victims of other predators equally heedless of their suffering. Unfortunately, those who answer to this pattern, due to their lack of empathy, only learn by experiencing a taste of their own medicine.

They justify their attitude by saying that they warn others in advance of their intentions; they speak openly of their sexuality showing off in this aspect and  some of them even scorn the good use of relationships and sex, using others with complete disregard for their wellbeing.

The pattern of the good lover would be to use –not abuse-  the other, caring for and trying to benefit him or her .

In their eagerness to justify their own conduct, no matter how unacceptable, they  argue  that they respect any sexual attitude, ultimately trying to make others accept their conducts so as to ensure their power and their territory.

But they are also victims of themselves, even if they appear happy and cool; they dread serious relationships and always move in shallow waters.  As soon as anybody comes too near they scare away in their weakness,  end up eaten up by solitude, falling back into the vicious circle of the compulsive hunter, hoping to fill the void of a life without true love, full of emotional to’s and fro’s which they take for passion. Many of them in their childhood or as teenagers were victims of other predators and have eventually become one of them.  But that does not relieve them from responsibility, more importantly it should be treated as a challenge to end  the victim-aggressor circle.

The problem lies in the possible unsuspecting victims that cannot identify the emotional danger, no matter how obvious it appears. The lack of self-esteem prevents them from rejecting a charming person who approaches them showing interest and affection, even if false, self-interested or momentaneous; men or women with a feeling of emptiness, or who have gone through difficult circumstances in their lives, or have grown up without a family or essential values will always make an easy prey. If they fall into a predator’s clutches they may think it is an acceptable attitude and become one of them, there is a part of society that encourages and even values such behaviours.

If you come across an emotional predator and he or she is looking at you as their possible target, just wait, it won’t take long before they show their true colours. It is not a good idea to think one can  save them, a mistake  many naïve souls make in their eagerness to help and which they usually pay dearly for.  Always remember that  “two can’t play if one doesn’t want to”.

And if you acknowledge yourself as one of them, remember the film “Fatal Attraction” (Glenn Close and Michael Douglas), or even the popular sayings that a wise friend of mine reminded me of the other day and which I completely agree with: “what goes around comes around” or “you pick what you sow”.

The misuse of something or somebody by using them to one’s own advantage and to another’s disadvantage always has the consequences it deserves. Fortunately, anything that is not done in mutual benefit will generate the Law of Cause-Effect. And don’t get over-confident if it has worked for you so far, apparently without negative consequences, the Universe ALWAYS returns what you give, whether it is good or bad … at least that never fails.  Take care how you treat others, some day you’ll be treated the same way.

Beatriz Fernández del Castillo

http://www.autoevolucion.com

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My much appreciated doggy friends are a constant source of inspiration these days. One of them appeared today radiant with happiness, she had made a great decision that would change her life and she was beside herself with joy. The issue this time was happiness and why it is that when one reaches such a state one tries to perpetuate it, and she asked me for my opinion.

When it comes to happiness there are opinions to suit all tastes, as many as there are definitions for the of the word. The fact is that there isn’t a definite formula for it, but I would like to give some thought to certain aspects of it that sometimes lead to confusion. Is happiness just a question of ‘moments’, as some say? It depends on how you have worked on it.

We have many different roles in life, the lady I’ve been sharing my reflections with today is a daughter, a friend, a colleague, she’s a worker, she goes out partying, she has a lovely –and somewhat of a rascal- dog, she’s a sister, a couple, an ex-couple too … we all have an endless capacity of interpreting roles and each one has its pattern. Patterns can be balanced or not, according to each person’s life experiences, his personal history, his capabilities, his traumas … one can be happy carrying out certain patterns and deeply unhappy in others. We tend to practice more those we are better at and neglect those we are not very good at, and the result are the well-known emotional to’s and fro’s that we find so disorienting.

Happiness is a question of ‘moments’ if the person is happy in just one or two roles, but not in the rest. Some people think it has to do with chance or coincidence. I rather tend to think that happiness is a wonderful mixture of talent, intuition, work, magic, dedication, care, attention, love and commitment … but, above all, of inner work, knowing ourselves, knowing what we really want and striving to achieve it, and do so in most of the roles we carry out in this world.

A very common mistake is to pretend that if happiness is reached in a given aspect of our life this should make up for the need to be happy in other less fortunate ones. Managing to be happy in some aspect and neglecting the rest is usually devastating in the long term, unless the person in question has enough with one or two roles in life. Each to his own. In the end happiness is the quotient between what one wants and what one achieves. In today’s conversation my friend’s sentence came out in a clear and concise way: “At this moment of my life I get everything I want” That is a feeling of personal satisfaction very much related to happiness, but even to want and wish for things, we need to know.

They say, for example, that ‘money doesn’t give happiness’ which is only half true, it can give material happiness, but obviously not family happiness, or happiness in our relationship, or personal fulfilment. Pretending that happiness in one aspect is also responsible for happiness in all the rest is, to say the least, naïve. Nor does happiness in the family necessarily give us personal fulfilment, or happiness with our friends imply happiness in our relationship. Happiness is the combination of many different parts, so I wished my doggy friend that, now that she is feeling so happy, to make the most of her good moment and work on as many aspects of herself as she can, especially those she finds harder, so that the success she has reached in one of them may serve her as inspiration for the rest.

Beatriz Fdez. del Castillo

http://www.autoevolucion.com

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