Feeds:
Posts
Comments

 

I have recently visited a dear friend who has just had a baby. We talked about the wonderful and undeniably deep change of role that has come about in her life as a result of her motherhood, and we also discussed the need to find a life mission through one’s work, through whichever task or activity we carry out in society.

There are different levels of involvement in life.

– On a first level we find those who are seeking to cover only their basic needs such as food, drink, entertainment, consumption, relationships … and not much more. Normally they don’t contribute much to society and they benefit more from society than they generate. They show a lack of respect for other people’s work and disregard the  basic standards of life in common, (they don’t recycle, they pester neighbours, they’re disrespectful towards teachers and seniors …) because they only think of  their own benefit and not of benefiting others. They  misuse all the goods they are given,  including their own life and health, they are the people who tend to demand from society more than they are ready contribute.

The second level includes people involved in improving only their own private lives: a better house, better relationships, a better job that will give them a better status, better physical appearance and better health: happiness through material and emotional issues.  They work to cover their own needs and at the most those of the company they work for, after all they’re getting paid for it, but that’s it.  These people don’t think of  common good or common interests, only of their own. They can misuse, neglect or squander the goods and services at their disposal, whether by ignorance or carelessness.  Some are well-meaning and try to find solutions that will help them advance in their personal satisfaction, and that can make them feel they want to progress.

– On a third level we find people who understand helping  themselves and helping others, who  contribute the best of themselves to society, who  try to do their bit not only for their own wellbeing but also for that of other people who may need their help, their intelligence or their solutions.  They find a new dimension in their work realising they  can give a new meaning to their activity beyond their own benefit, they contribute their creativity as an added value in everything they do. In this level individuals transcend the family and  think of changing and improving the society in which they live.

A good example would be this place in Madrid where they make the most incredible cakes .  I buy there every now and then and because the quality is so exceptional I once asked the baker and owner of the shop why he had decided to start precisely that business. He answered that knowing he was good at making cakes he had decided to make people happy by sweetening their lives. And indeed he does!  He put his gift at the service of other people’s happiness: that’s what I call a higher motivation that gives sense to an activity, whichever it may be. It’s not just working for money, it is finding a reward in making other people happy with  whatever it is that you’re good at, using a natural gift, in this case that of making those wonderful cakes.  A simple activity suddenly becomes an accomplished mission.

In this third level work has a different meaning, some people feel that their activity transcends, that it has an actual repercussion on other people’s lives, it makes them better, there is a purpose,  that of improving what there is.

–  The fourth level, the least practiced, includes individuals with a vocation for service, those who see the world as a whole, as a higher spiritual plan where we are all called to contribute. What’s important in this level, apart from “my” personal and immediate family plan, is to contribute to THE  GENERAL PLAN with the best we have, the gift we were given at birth, the capacities and skills that one loves.

In this level the soul is always involved, it’s not just the personality that sets the targets any more, it’s the soul that seeks good from the deepest of human being, guiding him or her by means of signs, happy encounters, sinchronicity and  magic. At this level it is not just personal pleasure that counts, but general wellbeing.

We all have a gift, those who don’t  use it, who don’t develop it, who don’t care for it or improve it, those who don’t put it to the service of mankind,  finally lose it, thus missing  the intimate joy of the service rendered to mankind. In this level people think in terms of improving the world using the best they have received, their personal gift.  Through his activity, the individual’s purpose is to change not only his family and society, but the world, improving it where he can, even in the smallest things; added to others with the same purpose, the changes are significant. And they do so in spite of negative people, those who couldn’t care less, who think only of themselves and those in levels 1 and 2 who find it so hard to believe that their help is also necessary.

In this level one doesn’t think  in terms only of one’s own and other people’s interest,  it is about seeking to improve, to contribute one’s creativity to the wellbeing of those who will come after us, to one’s country, to the continent, to the whole world, the planet that welcomes us, to nature, to animals, to the wellbeing of everything alive. In this level are those who love this planet, those who love, respect and care for life and nature, who seek to benefit and preserve it, not just use it and waste it.

In the fourth level are those who work to form coming generations, those who research for the future, those who undertake projects they will probably not see completed because they have been conceived for the long term, those who seek to create a new and better concept of living, those who prevent, who create solutions and at the same time live and care for their environment.   Whether they are believers or not, their viewpoint is to elevate and spiritualize their experience in the material plane.

Believe me, one only has to set a higher intention in one’s mind to start out on a new adventure and find a new concept of happiness, that of the souls involved not only in personal evolution and happiness, but also in the evolution and happiness of what we call mankind of which we are all part. The mind gives us the ideas appropriate to our intention, if we rise our intention we channel a higher energy.

Some other day we will talk about intention, it seems this text is asking for it … in the meantime, take good care of yourselves.

Beatriz Fernández del Castillo

http://www.autoevolucion.com

Advertisements

This year I have had the opportunity to identify some people who were the perfect embodiment of the pattern of an emotional predator. In spite of their different ages and the fact that they belonged to different generations, their speech, their attitude, their modus operandi, were so similar that they were the perfect example of a very common behaviour in our time: that of the emotional predator.  I must say it is more frequent among men than among women.

A pattern is a system of ideas, emotions, attitudes and behaviours that  governs human beings and organizes them according to predictable, identifiable behavioural patterns.  People who think alike usually feel the same and have similar attitudes and actions.

Archetypes would be the source of these patterns, the original ones, according to Plato the perfect moulds, ideals deriving from the mind of God, ideals that influence us from the collective unconscious. Patterns are human derivations that are far less than perfect, resulting from change, from the world, from life, from circumstances, etc. … The world changes and by extension so do the collective patterns that rule us.

Although many people compare them, emotional predators are different from emotional vampires. Emotional predators are only after their own emotional advantage –generally involving sexual advantage-  regardless of any collateral damage they might cause. They are hedonistic, they are apparently happy, they are manipulators and they know well  other people’s weaknesses which they use to their own advantage. They usually have good social skills, are sexually attractive and have brilliant personalities in some aspects, although they also lack empathy and  don’t understand or notice the damage they cause in others.

How do we spot them? I’ll use as examples two cases, a man and a woman whom I have come across recently. Both are apparently charming and attractive, but they have  different motivations. He is the typical predator,  only prompted by the sheer pleasure of the conquest and oblivious of  the pain he may cause to his prey.  She is not so typical, she is moved by the pleasure of feeling loved and valued, but she is equally remorseless when she misuses her charm with others. None of the two wish to change, they show an apparent but ultimately false self-confidence and during the “hunt”  they both forget the main law that rules this Universe, that of CAUSE and EFFECT, which will  make them in turn the victims of other predators equally heedless of their suffering. Unfortunately, those who answer to this pattern, due to their lack of empathy, only learn by experiencing a taste of their own medicine.

They justify their attitude by saying that they warn others in advance of their intentions; they speak openly of their sexuality showing off in this aspect and  some of them even scorn the good use of relationships and sex, using others with complete disregard for their wellbeing.

The pattern of the good lover would be to use –not abuse-  the other, caring for and trying to benefit him or her .

In their eagerness to justify their own conduct, no matter how unacceptable, they  argue  that they respect any sexual attitude, ultimately trying to make others accept their conducts so as to ensure their power and their territory.

But they are also victims of themselves, even if they appear happy and cool; they dread serious relationships and always move in shallow waters.  As soon as anybody comes too near they scare away in their weakness,  end up eaten up by solitude, falling back into the vicious circle of the compulsive hunter, hoping to fill the void of a life without true love, full of emotional to’s and fro’s which they take for passion. Many of them in their childhood or as teenagers were victims of other predators and have eventually become one of them.  But that does not relieve them from responsibility, more importantly it should be treated as a challenge to end  the victim-aggressor circle.

The problem lies in the possible unsuspecting victims that cannot identify the emotional danger, no matter how obvious it appears. The lack of self-esteem prevents them from rejecting a charming person who approaches them showing interest and affection, even if false, self-interested or momentaneous; men or women with a feeling of emptiness, or who have gone through difficult circumstances in their lives, or have grown up without a family or essential values will always make an easy prey. If they fall into a predator’s clutches they may think it is an acceptable attitude and become one of them, there is a part of society that encourages and even values such behaviours.

If you come across an emotional predator and he or she is looking at you as their possible target, just wait, it won’t take long before they show their true colours. It is not a good idea to think one can  save them, a mistake  many naïve souls make in their eagerness to help and which they usually pay dearly for.  Always remember that  “two can’t play if one doesn’t want to”.

And if you acknowledge yourself as one of them, remember the film “Fatal Attraction” (Glenn Close and Michael Douglas), or even the popular sayings that a wise friend of mine reminded me of the other day and which I completely agree with: “what goes around comes around” or “you pick what you sow”.

The misuse of something or somebody by using them to one’s own advantage and to another’s disadvantage always has the consequences it deserves. Fortunately, anything that is not done in mutual benefit will generate the Law of Cause-Effect. And don’t get over-confident if it has worked for you so far, apparently without negative consequences, the Universe ALWAYS returns what you give, whether it is good or bad … at least that never fails.  Take care how you treat others, some day you’ll be treated the same way.

Beatriz Fernández del Castillo

http://www.autoevolucion.com

After reading the last entry “Working on Happiness”, one of my readers called me and asked:

What happens if you have an objective, you work on it,  and it doesn’t turn out as you wished? It’s so frustrating … what happens to happiness then?

I don’t have all the answers, but I have worked with many people and I have come to the conclusion that what we were told about “ask and you shall receive” falls somewhat short. Asking is just the first step. If you set yourself a definite objective you must always bear in mind that you make decisions from where you stand at that moment and that you normally don’t know what lies ahead of you, what you will need,  what you will have to work on, what you will have to solve or sacrifice in order to reach your objective. Making and assuming the decision to “go for it no matter what happens” is just the beginning,  many simply drop it there.

Then we realise that as well as the objective and the results we want to reach, we must count on the necessary qualities that we will need to reach those results. What if I decide to be my own boss and work to make it true? Not only will I need an objective and an implementation plan, I will have to develop skills such as self-discipline, determination, work, observation,  preparation … and a great deal more qualities I will need to cover the way.  In order to reach success I will have to work on 20-30 patterns at least. Sometimes it is more important to ask the Universe for guidance in this sense than the actual results.

For example:  A part of me longs for the freedom of being my own boss, having my own business, but there are other parts of  me that can be incompatible with such objective, patterns I will discover, work on and re-program so that they may not block the physical manifestation of the circumstances, ideas and help that the Universe affords us when we have a plan. The energy of advance in these plans will be hindered by negative patterns such as fear of failure, fear of success, or a pattern of laziness, or one that makes me too hasty and therefore  makes me make too many mistakes so that I have to constantly rectify, or I may lack vision of the future, or I am careless with capital that I must invest,  or I chose the wrong collaborators or partners,  or I rush into things without a clear idea of what I want to contribute to the company, or I am afraid of risk, or I risk too much without giving it much thought …

It can also be that if we have had several attempts without success because of all those negative patterns,  we add what we already think and say about our own capacity as a result of our bad experience, such as: “I’m not good enough, I always botch it up,  there’s no point in my trying to do anything,  I always end up with people who let me down …”

On top of it, most people try to learn about the rules of society and yes, they are essential for advance, but we must also study the laws of Nature and of the Universe. If  we observe Nature and its laws we realise they are fair and balanced, Nature regulates itself. Whereas the laws of men are sometimes fair, but not always. The combination of both is what has mankind confused about what we should do in order to get things right  from the start, it is the reason why men don’t understand why the world is the way it is.

By constantly interfering with the laws of Nature and physical manifestation, men end up changing the rules of the game.  Thus, according to man’s criteria, in Nature  the best  is the master. But sometimes, in some human societies, it is stupidity, superficiality, selfishness, pettiness or violence that are most valued, thus removing the best individuals from power and decision-making, simply because the worst are the most valued.  The sole responsibility for this lack of  balance is man’s value system. The crisis of values we are going through is the result of the inability to value what is really important.

The best we can do is to get to know ourselves and understand which values and talents we need to achieve our objectives. If we set ourselves targets but we are not conscious that we need spiritual and psychological work and  tools as well as the physical and material ones, we can be in for a lot of frustration and discouragement.  A self-assessment is the mother of all blessings, and putting those blessings at the service of Nature is our duty.

Some people reach happiness and success by chance, sometimes it is only material, sometimes it is only spiritual, but because it is not  a conscious  happiness it’s unlikely to be  long lasting. Those who seek to experience it and share it on all  levels  -spiritual, mental, emotional and material-  have the worthiest possible objective, that of a soul in search of its own fulfilment.

If only we would take some of  Nature’s  ideas  to achieve this, if we finally decided to serve Nature and not exploit it, we would be doing a lot better.   Service  has a lot to do with our longed for happiness.

Beatriz Fernández del Castillo

http://www.autoevolucion.com

_____________________________________________________________________

My much appreciated doggy friends are a constant source of inspiration these days. One of them appeared today radiant with happiness, she had made a great decision that would change her life and she was beside herself with joy. The issue this time was happiness and why it is that when one reaches such a state one tries to perpetuate it, and she asked me for my opinion.

When it comes to happiness there are opinions to suit all tastes, as many as there are definitions for the of the word. The fact is that there isn’t a definite formula for it, but I would like to give some thought to certain aspects of it that sometimes lead to confusion. Is happiness just a question of ‘moments’, as some say? It depends on how you have worked on it.

We have many different roles in life, the lady I’ve been sharing my reflections with today is a daughter, a friend, a colleague, she’s a worker, she goes out partying, she has a lovely –and somewhat of a rascal- dog, she’s a sister, a couple, an ex-couple too … we all have an endless capacity of interpreting roles and each one has its pattern. Patterns can be balanced or not, according to each person’s life experiences, his personal history, his capabilities, his traumas … one can be happy carrying out certain patterns and deeply unhappy in others. We tend to practice more those we are better at and neglect those we are not very good at, and the result are the well-known emotional to’s and fro’s that we find so disorienting.

Happiness is a question of ‘moments’ if the person is happy in just one or two roles, but not in the rest. Some people think it has to do with chance or coincidence. I rather tend to think that happiness is a wonderful mixture of talent, intuition, work, magic, dedication, care, attention, love and commitment … but, above all, of inner work, knowing ourselves, knowing what we really want and striving to achieve it, and do so in most of the roles we carry out in this world.

A very common mistake is to pretend that if happiness is reached in a given aspect of our life this should make up for the need to be happy in other less fortunate ones. Managing to be happy in some aspect and neglecting the rest is usually devastating in the long term, unless the person in question has enough with one or two roles in life. Each to his own. In the end happiness is the quotient between what one wants and what one achieves. In today’s conversation my friend’s sentence came out in a clear and concise way: “At this moment of my life I get everything I want” That is a feeling of personal satisfaction very much related to happiness, but even to want and wish for things, we need to know.

They say, for example, that ‘money doesn’t give happiness’ which is only half true, it can give material happiness, but obviously not family happiness, or happiness in our relationship, or personal fulfilment. Pretending that happiness in one aspect is also responsible for happiness in all the rest is, to say the least, naïve. Nor does happiness in the family necessarily give us personal fulfilment, or happiness with our friends imply happiness in our relationship. Happiness is the combination of many different parts, so I wished my doggy friend that, now that she is feeling so happy, to make the most of her good moment and work on as many aspects of herself as she can, especially those she finds harder, so that the success she has reached in one of them may serve her as inspiration for the rest.

Beatriz Fdez. del Castillo

http://www.autoevolucion.com

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

This week-end a much appreciated doggy friend (her dog and mine hang out in the same circles) and I were discussing the meaning of HELP. We were talking about energetic “vampirism”, the person who asks for help, who receives it, who enjoys getting it, but can’t or won’t to reciprocate,   keeps asking for  more without contributing,  like a bottomless pit.

I was saying how important it is to know how to give help those who make good use of it, who put it in practice, who are grateful for it, in short, who deserve it. My friend’s question was then, “What about altruism?”… and her question sparked off this blog entry. Every moment is an opportunity to improve our thinking…

Understanding altruism:

Case 1: THE HELPER helps the HELPED. This person, in turn, full of gratitude and appreciation, will learn to help himself and becomes the helper of the next person to receive help.

The help of the first helper will reach thousands, appreciation will  encourage him to continue helping, those who have been helped will help in turn, energy flows.  In this case the HELPER is aware that it is oneself that one should help in the first place, keep well in order  to help others. And the person who has been helped experiences the joy of giving and returning.

Result  = ABUNDANCE, everybody wins.

Altruism misunderstood:

Case 2: The HELPER helps the HELPED. This person  takes advantage of the help he receives but doesn’t learn  to help others or help himself, he doesn’t put this help into practice, he doesn’t help himself or the next person who needs help, and yet he keeps asking for help until he leaves the helper drained and exhausted (which is often the case with kind-hearted souls)

Help is wasted on  souls who are not aware that we are here to make energy flow,  not to waste it. The helped person in this case normally does not  acknowledge the effort of the  helper who,  in turn, does not feel encouraged to help any further (some helpers, thank God, no longer need this recognition, but they do deserve it). Such “bottomless pits” block the source of help by drying it up and leaving it incapable of helping others, and if on top of this they don’t use adequately the help they have received, the energy stops flowing  and is blocked.

Result = SHORTAGE.  Only a few people win, and because they don’t know how to keep what has been won, in the end it is lost… and we wonder why the world is the way it is. The person who receives should give back what he can, because even those who are most in need always have  something to give back (work, attention, company, recognition) , and those who have more  can lack in something. The person that doesn’t give doesn’t do so because he doesn’t want to, with few exceptions.  True altruism is knowing how to keep the balance, otherwise it is energetic “vampirism”, misuse of energy, the typical cheeky opportunist or, as my mother used to say, a bloodsucker.

Responsible parents know that, before adolescence, much before I would say, kids should assume their duty to give back to  society part of what they have received, and those who don’t know that is because their parents haven’t taught them to do so. The same applies to the helper who is exhausted  and “vampirized”: he must learn to take better care of his energy, of his own source, and  not give away what he doesn’t have.

You may ask, for example, what about the elderly  who can no longer give? This statement is untrue. The elderly can give gratitude, wisdom, experience. They have spent their lives helping the generations behind them, those same generations who should know how to thank them and reciprocate with the same care.

What about the people in Africa? Anyone who has ever been to Africa will tell you that they have come back with far more than they went; new spiritual gifts in exchange for material ones….

One’s personal energy should be taken care of, should be balanced out continuously. Mother nature gives us a true example of giving and receiving. Unconditional love exists in reference to maternity at a very young age, but when the receiver starts to become aware, automatically the receptor must become a giver to balance out their “energy bill”.

When I watch Supernanny, TV’s wise fixing-mediator, doing  magic with the almost single formula of establishing reasonable rules, giving tasks and responsibilities, I feel she deserves the best. That really is what setting an example is all about… and everything else is just half measures.

Except in extreme cases, such as disability, handicap or illness, people who don’t  contribute to the community with their gifts, who  burden others with responsibilities that don’t concern them, …  do they really deserve to be helped or supported? Everyone has something to contribute.

GOOD HELP SHOULD BE MUTUAL, the other type of help, the one that does not reciprocate, in the long run is a source of disagreements, frustrations, reproaches and negative energy. The recognition of the source of help and the contribution of ones gifts to those who need them, who value them and make a good responsible use of them, will transform  and improve us  until we become the channel of a never ending stream of energy-in-action. That is true abundance and the true understanding of altruism, and not the other stuff.

 

Beatriz Fernández del Castillo

http://www.autoevolucion.com

Most people who whish to help and improve things have to face difficulties and obstacles both inside and outside themselves. One of the objectives of the work method in preparation is to unblock our own impediments, to reveal the gifts and capacities with which we have been blessed in order to help us and help the world be a better place. When a soul finds the way to express its gift in the world, it has found its path to Light. But in many cases those gifts are blocked or remain hidden.

The aim of spiritual work is to remove the many logs, twigs and dry leaves that have fallen into the streams of our lives generating stagnant areas of conscience, it is about restoring a continuous flow of creativity in the soul. Often it is not a question of knowing more, but of discovering what we already know but lies inaccessible to our conscience, hidden or forgotten. Learning to extract this information from the unconscious is the first issue we will propose in our method. The unconscious is a keen guardian of all our goods and wrongs. We must learn to recover all that information in order to use it as a tool in our work towards conscience, full capacity, skill and the free-flowing creative process of a lucid soul.
I do not share the idea that the ego is the baddy, always trying to deceive us and lead us to do wrong, and that we must disavow and destroy it. The ego is absolutely necessary because it is the instrument of the soul to manifest itself in the physical. When the ego is properly educated and trained, when it is connected to the white soul, well treated and happily integrated in personality, it is a superior ego with light of its own. A badly educated ego, denied, wounded, cast out and ill-treated, is the indicator of a dark soul. The soul stops reflecting light when it admits and lets itself be captivated by evil, darkness, doubt or fear. In that case the ego turns destructive and sterile.
As we work on the ideas/causes of our emotions, our soul will start opening itself to learning and experiencing from light and love, the ego will integrate into that soul which will know exactly what it wants in life, how to get it, how to make it beneficial to all those implied and finally give out to the world the best of itself, without concessions.